July 14, 2026

My Body Doesn’t Oppress Me. Society Does, Patty Berne and Stacey Milbern

My Body Doesn’t Oppress Me. Society Does.

I have a confession.

I usually avoid museums with Sam. Which is ironic because he loves them. He studied art history. But the truth is, I often quietly wish we skip museums. They are hard for us.

Somewhere between the first painting and the fiftieth, I run out of words. I’m exhausted. How many ways can I describe the color blue? Or the not quite a smile or frowny look on someone’s face? Or the way shadow falls on a landscape? A sculpture? An obscure photograph? I keep trying to find the right words, and I always feel like I’m coming up short.

A few years ago, we were visiting the Olympic Village in Lake Placid with our kids and our guide dog. The Olympic Museum looked small enough that I thought, Maybe this one will be different. And Sam never wants his blindness to be the reason we are kept from an experience. Which I admire about him. And if I’m being real, I hate it a little too. I hate that he has to find a way to fit into spaces that weren’t designed with him in mind.

So we bought tickets.

Almost immediately, I realized it wasn’t a good idea.

There were incredible stories to tell. Olympic medals. Uniforms. Torches. Photographs. Displays celebrating athletes whose determination changed history. But there was almost nothing that allowed Sam to experience those stories on his own.

No audio tour. Very few detailed descriptions.

No alternate way to access what everyone else was seeing.

Once again, I became the narrator. We took turns, the kids and I.

“This one is...”

“The picture shows...”

“The medal looks like...”

We kept trying, but somewhere along the way we realized no one was enjoying the experience. When we finished, we spoke with the staff. They couldn’t have been kinder. They listened. They apologized. They refunded our admission.

I appreciated that.

But as we walked away, I couldn’t shake the feeling that a refund wasn’t really the point. The point was that the museum had never imagined a visitor like Sam walking through its doors.

Today, I came across a conversation between disability activists Stacey Milbern and Patty Berne. Patty said something important:

“My body doesn’t oppress me. Society does.”

Before hearing them, I probably would have said the hard part of that afternoon was Sam’s blindness. Now I’m not so sure.

Instead, I keep thinking about what Stacey Park Milbern said:

“When I have my access needs met, I’m functionally not disabled.”

I’ve been carrying that sentence around with me.

It has me wondering how often we mistake a person’s body for the barrier, when the barrier is really the way we’ve designed the experience.

I’m still sitting with that.

If you'd like to hear the conversation that sparked this reflection, I've included it below (Christine).

Invitation: “As I look at familiar places with new eyes...”

One final thought from Stacey Park Milbern:

“I would want people with disabilities twenty years from now to not think that they’re broken. You know, not think that there is anything spiritually or physically or emotionally wrong with them…And not just people with disabilities but queer people, gender non conforming folks, and people of color. And all of the people I think that society really pushes down and out. And just to know that we are so powerful.”

I hope we continue creating communities, experiences, and conversations where more people come to know exactly that.

A Commons Practice

We believe that people are not meant to navigate life, work, and uncertainty alone.

Every reflection is an invitation to pause, wonder, and connect. If today’s piece stirred something in you, we’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

Our Community Tables are welcoming online conversations where people reflect together, listen deeply, and discover the wisdom that emerges through shared experience.

The conversation doesn’t end here. Join us at an upcoming Community Table.

This video is part of the series No Body is Disposable, produced by Sins Invalid and the Barnard Center for Research on Women.

Patty Berne (1967–2025) was a writer, educator, and co-founder of Sins Invalid, a groundbreaking disability justice organization that centers disabled artists who are people of color, queer, trans, and gender-diverse. A pioneering voice in the disability justice movement, Berne challenged conventional ideas about disability by emphasizing interdependence, collective access, and the inherent worth of every body.

Stacey Park Milbern (1987–2020) was a Korean American disability justice activist, community organizer, and policy advocate. Born with congenital muscular dystrophy, she became a national leader in the disability justice movement, serving on President Barack Obama’s Committee for People with Intellectual Disabilities, co-founding the North Carolina Youth Leadership Forum, and helping shape conversations about disability, race, queerness, and belonging. Her work continues to inspire activists, educators, and community leaders around the world.

We will meet for the Community Table every Monday at 4:30 pm or 8:00 pm (EST) - Go to our calendar at this link for details: https://courageouscommons.com/events/

July Courageous Citizen

Dr. Paul Farmer

For our July Americans Who Tell the Truth feature, we chose Dr. Paul Farmer because he spent his life living into the belief that we have a moral responsibility to accompany those who suffer. He didn’t simply talk about equity. He embodied it. Whether someone lived in a remote village or a place forgotten by the rest of the world, he believed no one should be beyond the reach of care.

https://americanswhotellthetruth.org/portraits/dr-paul-farmer/